Essay mức 5.0+ và 7.0+ tham khảo
Topic 1: The boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are most influenced by their mothers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.
Bài làm của học viên:
It is true that nowadays parent have a great influence over thechildren. Some people hold the opinion that the same sex is the major determinations of influencing parent, but others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, I agree that boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are most influenced by their mothers. My arguments for this point are listed below.
First of all, father is the person who passed that ways which are his son is passing now, in the other words, sons are stepping in a trace which fathers had driven them. So, based on experience it is easy for father to notice sons’ drawbacks and influence them.
Secondly, it is true that a boy is countedas a strong characteristics human , but a girl is subtle and fragile one. It is hard for mothers to influence their sons, because it is unbelievable that vulnerable something can affect a strong one.
In conclusion, it seems to me unfair that boys are most influenced by their mothers. Based on at least two points which are above I strongly agree that children are influenced by a parent of the same gender.
Nhận xét của một giáo viên:
This essay is too short, 190 words instead of the minimum requirement of 250. It doesn’t say anything about girls being influenced by their mothers, which is also a part of the t ask – therefore the task is only partially covered. The sentences are not complex enough, there are grammatical mistakes and language inaccuracies (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a Band 5.5 essay.
(Cách nhận xét cũng như số điểm đề nghị chỉ phản ánh quan điểm của giáo viên chấm bài này. Thực tế có thể khác tùy tình huống làm bài và chấm bài, không hẳn thể hiện chính xác quan điểm của IELTS)
Topic 2:
News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspaper. What factor do you think influence their decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?
Bài làm của học viên:
News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. There are two factors that influence their decisions. The first is the kind of customers they tend on. Because each kind of readers and watchers has its own features. For example, if your customers are almost teenagers, you have to concentrate on something attracting them such as stories, photographs about singer stars, film stars, funny tales, and young fashion. It will be very silly if you try to provide teenagers with economic, politic news. On the contrary, besiness men and politicians may never read news about James Blunt or Keira Knightley. Therefore, what influence news editors’ decisions the most is the taste of their customers.
The second is the hot, the attraction of news. Who will reads or watchs your news if it was one year, one month ago even last week? The answer is nobody absolutely. In the energetic and competitive world nowadays, people always ask for really new news. So that to satisfy customers, there is a pressure on all editors to find continually what has already happened not only yesterday but even an hour ago. Or else, they will lose their customers. None of editors wants that bad future.
On television or in newspaper, we seem to become used to bad news. It is a little of difficult for us to meet a piece of good news. We can’t deny that bad things occur on the earth day by day. However, news editors try to gain more and more customer, which means more and more money, by bad news. Because bad news makes us curious. We want to know why it is bad, what it is about, whether it influences us or not. As a result, we will buy newspapers or watch television to find out. And the happiest people are, of course, news editors.
I think it would be better if more good news was reported. Bad news makes us worry and sad. Whereas good news makes us happy. How much bad news is, there should be the same amount of good news. So, we can give something bad a lot of thought while still be joyful with good news. Any inequalities between good news and bad news should be avoided. That is the best solution.
Now, we can’t live without news. Thereby, the role of news editors is very important. We should support them. And what they have to do is try their best to provide us useful news, both good and bad.
Nhận xét của một giáo viên:
Some of your sentences are too short – they would look better joined together.Don’t repeat the topic question because you would lose marks for it! Overall, a very good essay to me. It looks like Band 7 candidate.
(Cách nhận xét cũng như số điểm đề nghị chỉ phản ánh quan điểm của giáo viên chấm bài này. Thực tế có thể khác tùy tình huống làm bài và chấm bài, không hẳn thể hiện chính xác quan điểm của IELTS)
